COVID-19: NOT ONLY DARKNESS, BUT CONCRETE RAYS OF LOVE AND HOPE
Two days ago, I had a minor breakdown while having breakfast with my family. For days, I could feel welling inside me the fear and uncertainty of what the future holds. It was someone’s testimony that triggered it and broke the final straw! I could feel his hopelessness. I felt so bare and vulnerable and felt that my whole being was thrown outside of me. I had the sensation of feeling even the small whip of air…, I started to feel everything, especially his despair. I was crying, ugly crying in fact! By now, my husband already knows how to just let me be until I feel better again. That’s how he shows his support, observing and loving without really hovering.
Consciously we try to be strong, being in the condition of “locked-down” and not having the possibility of going out to buy what is necessary. But subconsciously there was a looming turmoil of so many “what ifs” battling deep inside. There was one thing though that proved to be reassuring… “Look up!”.
God really speaks and manifests his love, in small and big ways. Because two hours later a great friend, not even from this city, dropped a mask for Gil because he’s the only one who gets in and out of the house to run errands for us and we didn’t have any (masks) left. BUT, not only that, a neighbor out of the blue asked me if I wanted Dory fish because they have some to spare, concerned and knew that I can’t only have meat all the time because of my Gerd. Truly, God is never outdone in his generosity!
This tough moment, has put me in front of God. It was like an invitation to search for meaning from deep within… a real examination of conscience! This has reminded me once again of a gospel phrase that I always try to live by: “Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than them?” Mt. 6: 26-34. This has pushed me not to allow sadness and fear dwell in my mind and soul. It reminded me to always, always start again and live each present moment well because there is only one me and God is bigger than everything that is happening now.
I’m good now! We are good, and even better. This is the reason why I was able to write about this experience. Not so much about me but to bring to light the GREATNESS in others.
